Tuesday 2 February 2016

One day at a time

So it's been a while since I've posted anything here, my intentions were to have at least two posts up a week when I first started however circumstances have changed. As you probably know I've been a stay at home mam for three years now. Which I absolutely love, but I also was loosing my mind a bit due to lack of exercising my brain! Please tell me I'm not the only mam who feels like this? Anyway I decided to do something about it. I think I was sick of listening to myself complain about all the things I wanted to do but never seem to actually do, I'm sure my husband was too. 
There was always and excuse, but valid ones, I've a two and a three year old they are my priority, always. But, I suppose there comes a certain point when you need to start thinking of yourself or else you're just not going to be the best that you can be for your kids. Thats what I felt anyway. 
My background is teaching children with Autism. Something that I've done for nearly eight years. I've loved and loathed it at times. It can be very challenging but is most definitely one of the most rewarding things I have ever done with my life bar having my children and marrying my husband. That being said I felt I need a new challenge in my life. I've always had a little childhood dream of writing a book or being a journalist but never really focused on this when I was in school. My aim was to go to College and get a degree to make my parents proud. Stupidly, I never really thought about what I really wanted to do and so ended up getting an Arts degree from UCD. Which I'm proud of, but honestly have never used! 
I'm lucky enough to have brilliant family around me and it was talking to my two sisters in law who are writers and in the beauty industry that made me really think about what I wanted to do. I've always loved fashion and makeup like many other woman out there but never really thought that it could be a career option. It's such a hard industry to crack and I really had no skill sets matching it anyway. But I knew I needed to be refreshed and inspired, enjoy what I do not begrudge it. Talking with them really helped me understand this and they encouraged me to write. Small things at first, like choosing my favourite lipstick and writing why I loved it so much. Sounds easy but every time I put pen to paper my mind froze. Maybe I just wasn't cut out to write after all. After hours of agonising about why my favourite lipstick was my favourite and only two short paragraphs about it later I sent it over to one of the said sisters-in-law and anxiously waited on her reply. Would she think it was a load of crap, 'cause I did? Surprisingly she loved it and set me about writing little articles for her here and there. Simple beauty based articles on how to get a certain makeup look or who wore their hair best at a certain awards party. It took me hours to write each one but as the weeks went by my confidence started to grow as did, I think, my writing skills. I now knew I could write, it may not be hugely meaningful to many but to me it meant my confidence, my identity and self esteem was returning. Amazingly some of my articles even got published verbatim in some of the red top weekend magazines. I could not have been prouder of myself to see my very own words in print.
 It was then I decided to start my blog. Again, this was something that I'd been putting off for ages, always saying I needed someone to set it up for me, hold my hand through the process, more excuses. I realise now it's fear of the unknown, feeling I needed my hand held when really I am capable of doing it myself, I was just scared. So one evening I set it up. I know its not the best looking blog page in the world but its mine and I did it myself and I'm glad I did. 
As I said before my intentions were to really get things going with the blog, review beauty products, write long and witty insightfully posts about my lifestyle and travels etc. Then it kind of hit me again, that self consciousness, doubt began creeping in. Who do I think I am? Who wants to hear what I have to say? I'm sure people have much better things to be doing with their time than sitting and reading my take on trivial beauty trinkets and my trips to Tescos. Once again, I felt a bit deflated and once again my family picked me back up. 
As I had been writing about makeup and how to apply it I felt I needed a little more knowledge about the subject. Don't get me wrong I've always been able to apply my own make up and think I'm not too bad at it, but knowledge is power and a little education never hurt anyone. 
I decided to retrain and become a makeup artist. So off to college twice a week in the evenings for four months. Hesitant at first I must admit, however a friend did the course with me and so that made things so much easier. By the end of the first class I had images of me being the next Lisa Eldridge or Pixiwoo. As time went on I realised that yes I actually am good at this (validated by the fact I came top of my class, sorry for the gloat!) however this is maybe not exactly what I want to do. 
During the course another opportunity arose and I began working in PR, just freelance back office stuff but learning a lot from someone well respected in the PR and fashion industry. A few weeks in and I realised I was doing too much. Full time at home with the kids, working 20 hours a week freelance with no childminder, therefore no actual working hours. I just had to work whenever the kids slept and then all weekend, which really wasn't what I wanted either. On top of that I was at College two nights a week with homework and exams. Then Christmas came, dinner in my house Christmas day and then another full house St. Stephens Day as much as I enjoyed it, I'd had enough. January came, College finished, I hired a part time childminder two days a week. Work is under control, however I'm definitely still learning about this PR thing. But luckily I now have a little free time to rekindle my relationship with my blog. Hopefully I can keep up with it, but if not, forgive me, I'm a part time working mammy with a full time desire to be my best.

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