Arriving home from work, I'm greeted at the door by a screaming two year old and a three year old who has decided it's a great idea to empty the contents of my makeup bag all over her face! Hassled I pay the childminder not asking questions as to how said three year old got hold of my makeup or why my two year old is screaming like a banshee. Are you home from work now? asks one little face. I am. All day I've waited to get home. Wishing I'd get my work done a little earlier so I could head off and be with my girls. Now I'm home, sitting in front of a computer seems a whole lot easier I can tell you. The usual routine ensues, get dinner on, coax dinner into children (which my two year up kindly threw up all over me pretty much straight after). Bath time, playtime once Daddy arrives home, brush teeth, story and bed. Praying that they'll go to sleep. Wait no, I've to run up the stairs for the third time to find a) a soother, b) a teddy bear, c) the second time I found the wrong teddy bear! Kettle on and a cup of tea in hand I sit and take stock....
Oh god, feeling guilty maybe I should sneak up and give them one more kiss goodnight? Sitting here just wondering will it ever be enough? Will the time I give my children ever be enough. Will the love I have for them ever be enough? Will the work I do ever be enough? Surely constantly wondering if you will ever be, give, try enough, is enough to drive anybody to the edge. Maybe it’s time I tell myself I am enough. What I give is enough. What I do is enough, what I achieve is enough. Or is this really good enough?
Everyday I wake up hoping that today will be a good day. That I will have enough energy to sit down and play with my children. Not just sit beside them on the periphery and watch as I make excuses not to play. Does every mother feel like this? Is the constant want to be enough really going to inspire me to be my best?
Are we (us parents) making too many pieces of ourselves? Are we trying to be too many things to too many people. Can we really be all things to everyone? At the moment the way I’m feeling I’m not sure. I believe that I can achieve all the goals I have set out for myself. My problem is that I want to achieve them right now, instant gratification. Maybe I need to take a step back and realise that in order to be enough maybe I have to give a little less. Slow down. Take time out for me, my children, my family, my work.
I’m a great believer that things happen for a reason, but I also believe that to achieve anything in life you must work hard for it, set goals and follow your dreams. Something I’m doing right now. Setting myself goals, working hard and trying my best. But sometimes, when I look at my little girls faces asking if I have to go to work today I wonder am I doing the right thing? Surely it’ll all be worth it. They will grow up understanding that while I may not have been there one hundred percent of the time, every minute I spent away from them was for them. My greatest wish in life is for my girls to be happy, to be educated and to feel loved.
So to all us working mammy’s, stay at home mammy's and for the day that’s in it, enough IS enough. You can only do your best and that’s surely got to be good enough. Happy International Women’s Day, you’re amazing, and you are enough.
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